Is it strange that I think I am actually having fun at Seminary.....is that actually possible? or is my version of fun...not.....
I often wonder if I am enjoying myself too much...and what does that make me?..a hoax? am I somehow being unauthentic...to the "real me". For example would it be considered fun to discuss the existence of diglossia* in Kenya for 2 hours (out of class, over coffee, wrestling with questions like 'does it exist here in Kenya....1 hour .....is sheng a language? hour 2) and leave thinking "that was so interesting...can't wait for tomorrows class!...Yey!"
The reason I wonder about this is that this is from the same person who just three years ago, around this time of year would be sitting planning "Exactly how much tummy should I show in my television show in order to keep my male audience watching, while not scaring off 'serious' advertisers...hhmm is my tummy as flat as my competition? Its okay she's got buckteeth..teeheehee, oooh I wonder if we're getting comps to the new club thats openning tonight???"
This thing I now call my life is sometimes so shockingly different, I wonder 'did time slow down over the last 3 years, giving me time to change my character, my priorities, my dreams, ambitions, friendships....somehow....all in the span of 36 months?...or is the real me on sabbatical about to rear her not so ugly head again when I least expect it?' Is change, lasting change, just a matter of decision..then..it happens. Or is it more complex? does change just happen like that...dorothy clicking her heels twice and wishing really hard, then in a twinkling she's somewhere else? Is this new me home? or am I just visiting? Is Njeri, the real Njeri the person she wants to be or the person she is? If what I want to be is what I present to everyone, is that really me, or a cover version?....(on that note is a cover version of a song still the same song? or is it something else? Or when they remade Oceans 11, is it still Oceans 11, or does the presence of Brad Pitt and George Clooney somehow make it Oceans 11.1?)
Then where is God in all this? Am I a NEW CREATION VERSION 1, batch 2003.19.10 with extra Christianese personality plug ins, or is my personality, the character that is me (SHAPE and all) allow for some original Njeri to stay without tainting the "NEW CREATION NJERI VERSION 1.1? Do we have to lose ourselves to find ourselves? or am I thinking too much about this, and should I just be.....as they say?
Today is my 3rd birthday as a believer (or rather the day I adopted to commerate the beginning of this journey 3 years ago), on this adventure, self discovery has been transformed to self reclamation. Its availability to God's renovation. A reclamation of the original image, that which I was intended to be, discovered from the prototype.
*Diglossia as I understand it is two versions of one language that exist, used for different functions (eg the formal version for education, the nonformal one in the home...on that note just had a test on this Sociology of Language stuff....the test was not so fun..).
I often wonder if I am enjoying myself too much...and what does that make me?..a hoax? am I somehow being unauthentic...to the "real me". For example would it be considered fun to discuss the existence of diglossia* in Kenya for 2 hours (out of class, over coffee, wrestling with questions like 'does it exist here in Kenya....1 hour .....is sheng a language? hour 2) and leave thinking "that was so interesting...can't wait for tomorrows class!...Yey!"
The reason I wonder about this is that this is from the same person who just three years ago, around this time of year would be sitting planning "Exactly how much tummy should I show in my television show in order to keep my male audience watching, while not scaring off 'serious' advertisers...hhmm is my tummy as flat as my competition? Its okay she's got buckteeth..teeheehee, oooh I wonder if we're getting comps to the new club thats openning tonight???"
This thing I now call my life is sometimes so shockingly different, I wonder 'did time slow down over the last 3 years, giving me time to change my character, my priorities, my dreams, ambitions, friendships....somehow....all in the span of 36 months?...or is the real me on sabbatical about to rear her not so ugly head again when I least expect it?' Is change, lasting change, just a matter of decision..then..it happens. Or is it more complex? does change just happen like that...dorothy clicking her heels twice and wishing really hard, then in a twinkling she's somewhere else? Is this new me home? or am I just visiting? Is Njeri, the real Njeri the person she wants to be or the person she is? If what I want to be is what I present to everyone, is that really me, or a cover version?....(on that note is a cover version of a song still the same song? or is it something else? Or when they remade Oceans 11, is it still Oceans 11, or does the presence of Brad Pitt and George Clooney somehow make it Oceans 11.1?)
Then where is God in all this? Am I a NEW CREATION VERSION 1, batch 2003.19.10 with extra Christianese personality plug ins, or is my personality, the character that is me (SHAPE and all) allow for some original Njeri to stay without tainting the "NEW CREATION NJERI VERSION 1.1? Do we have to lose ourselves to find ourselves? or am I thinking too much about this, and should I just be.....as they say?
Today is my 3rd birthday as a believer (or rather the day I adopted to commerate the beginning of this journey 3 years ago), on this adventure, self discovery has been transformed to self reclamation. Its availability to God's renovation. A reclamation of the original image, that which I was intended to be, discovered from the prototype.
*Diglossia as I understand it is two versions of one language that exist, used for different functions (eg the formal version for education, the nonformal one in the home...on that note just had a test on this Sociology of Language stuff....the test was not so fun..).
.jpg){kind=link}
2 comments:
....Mnnh...the million dollar question of..Do we have to lose ourself to find ourself. I chewed cud on that one and it challanged some tennents in my life. I have read this article for like 5times. As you said, we find ourselves the moment we lose ourselves at the centre...anyway...life is more about becoming more that already are..i guess. Your blog is ming...boggling. Thanks for sharing your thought faculty with us.
Thanks Nelson, you feedback is much appreciated!
Post a Comment