The Call Part 1

Today totally exhausted after spending the night in a Kesha with the Chapel Youth... Yes, I said it right... A KESHA WITH CHAPEL YOUTH!??! God is doing big things! It's not like these young people were totally heathen or something, but it's been amazing watching a small bunch of about 30 young guys come together for bible study in the BIG TENT last year at Impala Club, with most barely talking to one another or contributing to the conversation...then going to the BIG TENT which has now become the YOUTH TENT (dubbed CLUB XPRESSIONS...can I get a YEY YAH!) 2 weeks ago and seeing a sea of 200+ faces, with hands raised up to God in worship, dancing their hearts out to "I am a friend of God"...Actually heard an AMEN in the crowd when a sermon point hit home!!!! Then last night, hearing that special sound of sincere heartfelt worship, then that sweet silence, when the entire room was down on their knees, laying down every crown and pretension in the presence of the King...WHOA...God is definitely doing something new...It's a season of accelerated growth, that's like a very cool time warp...the before and after picture looks like one of those 'i used to weigh a 250 pounds, but I lost 120 pounds in just 1 month, thanks Super Yucky Spinach Diet Drink' type things...but this time it's a steady diet of the WORD, that's Sweeter than Honey from the Honeycomb:-)

New Hope

God has worked through history to fulfil His mission on the earth (to give people the opportunity to know Him, building a new people for Himself, restoring Creation and healing the Nation..as proposed by Chris Wright, The Mission of God, IVP, 2006), through the path of humility. It's amazing that though He is God, with all the power and might to do anything...He has chosen to take the path of weakness, turning what looks like hopeless situations into hotbeds of Hope...Abraham, an aging geriatric with a habitual lying problem to become the channel of Gods blessing the nations...Moses, a stuttering murder, becomes the deliver of the Israelites and leads them out of slavery..the Israelites, a bunch of grumbling, disobedient, rebellious ex-slaves, become the light and blessing to the earth...then eventually God comes into the earth Himself as Jesus, a carpenter…'conceived' out of wedlock, second guessed and disbelieved by many, utterly shamed and crucified on a cross, but later resurrected becoming the saviour of the world…revealing His great unfailing love for man...Peter...a coward, rash individual who was not always politically correct (Galatians 2) but become the Rock on which the church was built...The prosecution of the early and later church, brutal, gory, horrifying..yet acted as the impetus for the rapid growth and eventual Christianising of most of the known world over less than 500 years...The examples are endless, but for me what gives me hope is that if this is God's method, then there is hope for Africa. The ‘dark’ continent, the least of the least, often ridiculed…written off, shamed…could it be that the weakness of Africa gives her the unique privilege of becoming one of the ‘foolish things of the world…the things despised by the world, that confounds the wise..’ (1 Corinthians 1). I have hope for Africa, that from the ashes of suffering, this great continent will become a beautiful light, shinning in this dark world, a display of Gods splendour, a testament of how God can change and transform even the worst scenario. Africa, don’t be ashamed of your weakness, in the hopelessness of it all, the hand of God is lighting a spark. The impossible becomes possible in this place which was once called dark...Hope, Life and Healing are possible in the hand of God.

Time

They say time heals all wounds. Not too sure about that (very shallow I think), time gives us the chance to transform from what we were to what we want to be, but only if we use it to do so..otherwise time actually helps us gloss over all wounds, errors in judgement and mistakes...till we hopefully forget, or they fester and turn gangrene. Its amazing, the gift we have; transformation is a process that time avails us, but transformation is not necessarily deliberate. Like the inevitability of the appearance of wrinkles around your eyes no matter how many 'New and effective' eye gels you use, with the passage of time, transformation occurs for better or worse. We can either choose to be transformed, or transformation happens to us..either way it happens. Time simply passes, and we find we become what we hoped to be or what we hoped to avoid.

Ecclesiastes 3:1, 6 &11. There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven... A time to search and a time to lose. A time to keep and a time to throw away... God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God's work from beginning to end (NLT).

Freedom

It was interesting hearing the minister (Dr. Shaban) of Special Programs (which is dealing with the Internally Displaced Persons (IDP) crises), talking about the evacuation of people from the IDP camps. The good doctor informed the public that it's not government policy to resettle people in their ancestral homes, as every Kenyan has a right to settle and live anywhere in Kenya...yet the government, upon requests of those who have been terrorized out of their homes, is currently evacuating people from the IDP camps to their ancestral homes. It was sad listening to her, because it sounded like we have our policy, then there is the current crises, and the two don't meet...yet considering the pain and suffering that has occured, the decision to evacuate the displaced to wherever they desire to go, rather then secure their homes for them, is painfully understandable. Our policies are meant to guide our actions, yet at this point, they seem inadequate to the situation we now face. So now bus load after bus load arrives in towns and village centers all over the country, returning a disillusioned mass to start new lives amongst 'their own'. Freedom to live and work anywhere in this country is a right that is slowly being eroded to the point that dreams of free enterprise and the entrepreneurial spirit of our young people is being squelched almost irrevocably. Driven by fear, anger, revenge and despair, the average mwananchi is becoming more polarized by tribal sentiment...believing the only way to be survive, to be safe, to secure their future is within the cocoon of tribal based political patronage. As we wait with bated breathe for the political stalemate to be resolved, Kenyans need to begin to rethink freedom and security. How much does it mean to us? How can we resolve our fears and anger without giving up our freedom?

A house divided

The threats abound, rumors of Mungiki warriors in the forest, armed and ready to harm anyone who has an inconvenient name ....do we listen to the rumors or do we ignore the threat? If they are true, we rest uneasy, hoping that the combination of fervent prayer, reinforced by Masai steel and iron and double padlocks will keep the threat at bay...and if the rumors are false, all we have is an embarrassing story to tell about our paranoia. But yet, somehow we must keep hope alive, even in the face of machete's and guns, of fire and stones, of insult and hatred. This nation has survived to this day despite the odds...surrounded by strife and unrest, a haven of relative peace. A nation constituted as a result of locational and logistical convenience; numerous tribes, brought together because of enterprise, a producer of raw materials for the industries of the crown. Yet despite our forced amalgamation, despite the continued push towards development engineered (to some extent) to continue to support certain interests, we began to discover interests of its own. So now we are more than just producers, labour, a seat of power for some apathetic force. We are a people, forged together by shared life, shared experience, shared land, even shared ideals. So when they threaten me, my family, my own, they threaten more then just a statistic, a faceless girl, they threaten themselves, for how can a house, divided against itself survive?

Sweet Comfort

The street is busy, the dust unavoidable, kicked up by the thousands of feet treading to and fro, going here and there, making deals, selling things, meeting people, making a living, striving to keep busy in a world gone mad. Walking down the street, I have to weave in between the tight squeeze of people, fighting for space between matatus and hawkers, darting out of the way of oncoming traffic, determined to get to my destination in one piece. Finally I arrive, the smell wafting through the dark corridor a testament that they’re still in business. Thank God, there’s still hope in this dark world! The sweet smell of freshly baked concoctions of flour and sugar, margarine and chocolate, nuts and spices, all mixed into an array of heady flavours that are carried by a dusty breeze onto the sun baked street, tempting passersby to investigate the source, to see, to taste, to fill themselves in the comfort of sweetness, or so the crowds that darken this corridor with me testify.
After the bustle of the street a few feet outside, the silence inside is eerie. At least twenty people fight for space at the counter, quietly jostling one another in a bid to get the attention of the girls on the other side, hoping to be out of the stuffy room sooner rather than later, the faster to enjoy whatever treat tickles their fancy. The silence is uncanny for a tiny shop in the city centre packed to capacity. Everyone if whispering, so when my turn comes, I whisper too, pointing at my choice in the glass counter to indicate my order, then silently stepping back, nodding to person behind me to indicate they can take their turn. Everyone avoids looking at one another in the eye, the tentative smiles usually shared by strangers are gone. I squeeze my way to the register to hand over my cash, watching the girls behind the counter, attempting to remember which one took my order, as they quickly take turns, spooning and measuring at the weighing scale, dividing up the spoils for the hungry sea of customers. Finally the girl with the high pony tail catches my eye, and with a nod of her head directs me to a relatively empty corner of the counter so she can hand over the goods. The cheery thanks I am about to give is halted by the tired, dull look in her eyes; instead I mumble a quick thanks, grabbing my slightly warm brown bag of chocolate chip cookies. I walk out back onto the sweltering plastic bag littered street, looking forward to finding a safe haven to enjoy the sweet bliss of melting chocolate and crumbling sugary flour; as I join the rest of the silent masses in a short reprieve, filling my breaking heart with temporary relief from emptiness, with sweet treats and empty notions of normalcy.

Refuge

As Kenyans have been fleeing for their lives over the last month, many have sought refuge in Uganda. As they are now being moved into refugee camps deeper in the Ugandan interior in places like Tororo, the reports coming through are decidedly heartbreaking. The Ugandan residents of the area are complaining that the Kenyan refugees are busy misbehaving! According to a report on the BBC, inspection of the heavy jackets of some Kenyan teenage boys in the refugee camps revealed cigarettes and plastic bottles containing a strong local brew. Loosely reiterating what the Ugandan authorities said yesterday (not verbatim); ‘Prostitution has been banned, all smoking of Opium has been banned! Alcohol abuse and carousing has been banned!’ As my good friend Shem would say...My goodness! These reports bring to mind the devastating stories I have heard of child soldiers in Sudan and Sierra Leone...stories of children numbed of their pain; able to kill, hurt and maim, time and time again, fuelled by alcohol, illicit drugs and hate speech. There is no escape for the people from the results of violence and mayhem that the people have sought to run away from, these results are still there. The despair of those who have no hope has led them to further degradation, ruin and despair through empty pursuits. Even when we run away and are saved from certain death, we can remain hopeless even in relative safety. Our refuge does not come from the porosity of the borders of our neighbours and the goodwill of friendly states, our refuge must be in something more, for we cannot escape ourselves.

Psalm 91:2 'This I declare of the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I am trusting him.'
Psalm 119:114 'You are my refuge and my shield; your word is my only source of hope.'

Wild Life

Yesterday on Money Matters on NTV the head of KTB Dr. Achieng was talking about the tourism industry and reassured the public that that no tourist had been hurt so far, and that the Wildlife reserves and parks all had heightened security to protect these areas. Not that I have any problem with our government protecting the guests visiting us, or protecting our natural resources and tourism industry infrastructure, but it pointed to a glaring disparity...While our animals are tucked safe and sound in their hidey holes and grass beds, doors are broken as the police search for 'criminals at large', our women and children continue to be attacked and raped by marauding gangs and in some reported cases the very people who are meant to be protecting them, and our men are being brutally cut down by gangs, or shot by the police...so maybe the displaced or disenfranchised need to move into the national reserves, then at least all they have to contend with are lions...and my friend below....

Rebuilding the ancient ruins

Isaiah 61:3-4 "To all who mourn in Israel, he will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for his own glory. They will rebuild the ancient ruins, repairing cities long ago destroyed. They will revive them, though they have been empty for many generations."

Noise has been a haven for me...when the world as we know it changed on the 30th of December 2007, personal dreams and ambitions, political opinions, short and long term strategic plans were suddenly shattered when faced with the possibility that even when you have a Plan B and contingencies in place for 'that rainy day', the impossible can happen, the inconceivable can be conceived...our assumptions can be blown out of the water and replaced with a nightmarish reality which is not only hard to swallow, but makes us question if the reality we thought existed was really reality or a comfortable farce we embraced because the truth was too difficult and time/resource consuming to tackle (ethnocentrism, tribalism, poverty, institutional corruption) and we eventually replaced the truth with the lie for long enough so that we eventually forgot what is true and what is false.

So when people began to die, when homes were burnt, when crowds took to the streets....confusion reigned...So like an ostrich who's head is in the sand, I hid...but instead of the earth, I hid in noise; even as I could hear the loud incessant stomp! thump! thump! of rushing steps, hurtling towards me at frightening speed, I surround myself with news, and conversations, and accusations, and rumours...hoping that the breaking of my heart would stop, that metallic taste of fear in my mouth would abate, that the 'comfortable reality' would return and I could forget the nightmare. But today I realise even if I return to the lie, that is all it is, a lie, that is so easily shattered with just a voice ignored, a politicians word, a wave of a machete. So truth wins out, real reality must be faced...life must be rebuilt, but not on a foundation of lies anymore, real change can only result from real introspection followed by real action...maybe I can't change the world, but I know someone who can...now I continue the journey to discovering how I can partner with Him in rebuilding the ancient ruins.

ME TIME

So that terms come to an end, all the term papers are done, exams sat and book reports handed in...about a week of straight up lounging has happened and the suprising thing is feeling sort of, well tired! Gave myself a pep talk at the beginning of the holiday, about how this time before I go back to volunteering at Chapel through the rest of the holiday, I would actuallly get some rest and catch up on all those things I don't get to do, like reading books I actually choose, and watching all those series that everyone talks about, catching up on some sleep, maybe getting some time outdoors etc. So when I was asked to house sit for my Vice Chancellor for a week, I jumped at the chance at having a place to myself, for some quality..."ME TIME", no papers, no 'serious' reading, no rushing around doing a hundred and one errands, just me and 'the lounge', after all I 'deserved' it!
Lounging is tiring, so far, have hardly gotten any sleep cause had to finish season one of "Ugly Betty' (not to mention 'Hustle' which was too interesting to space out), Hero's season two is now on, the novels I borrowed last week to read through the holiday were so interesting, that didnt sleep all last night and have finished two out of three so far, and in between all that, discovered I love to cook, so been trying out new recipes almost every day...so now I have a twitching eye from too much telly, my back hurts from unsuccessfully trying to read myself to sleep, my hands are peeling from all the kitchen theatrics, and generally kinda exhausted!
So now I think that maybe I took the wrong tack and maybe I need to learn balance, only problem is, how do you practice balance when you're so used to throwing yourself into everything you do?

Sayings

They say the road to hell is paved with good intentions (always wondered who they is ...a bunch of guys who sit around coming up with all sorts of sayings and cliches), well in that case, thank God I have Jesus, or I'd definately be DOOMED! Yes, my intention was to write every week....well, if only intentions actually did the work they were supposed to do...Thank God for time, that allows us to try again (and again ...and again) till we get it right.

They also say the grass is always greener on the other side....I remember thinking to myself when I was about 14 years old, how wonderful it would be to be all grown up and have my own time..to do...whatever! Sleep, eat what I want, go out, see things, talk to people, make my own money....all the wonderful things that adults seemed to be so busy doing. Alas! Now that I'm grown up, I realise...alot of its over rated! The sleep escapes you most nights, the food goes straight to your hips, everyone at the party is hoping this time it will reach their expectations and be as cool as its meant to be, and since your so busy trying to make the money you don't really have time to see the things you want to see or talk to the people you want to talk to without always playing catch up to the extent it always seems you're forever trying to get to know them...Okay, so maybe I'm being a little cynical, but thank God for time, that gift that provides the opportunity for different hues of grass on both sides of the fence, and the chance to experience a full life, with both blissful moments and the disappointments that make the bliss so much sweeter.

A NEGST Mystery

About two weeks ago was talking to my friend Wainaina, who is pretty interested in getting a bike too...now Wainaina's wife does not like that idea (she's not interested in having a bike hanging on the walls of her beautiful house...) so we were just chatting about alternative storage etc...then Wainana decides to confess that he was once tempted to 'borrow' my pink beauty on the first day I brought it to school, he had spotted it outside the classrooms and because it wasnt locked and he needed to dash across the quad to the library to get something he had forgotten, he seriously considered 'borrowing it'...but listened to the angel on his right shoulder and decided to walk instead.

After that discussion I began to lock the bike...So anyway I usually park my new baby right out front in the portico right outside the classrooms. Last week I parked it in the usual spot, locked it to prevent anyone from being tempted to take a joy ride (...imagine that! Ha! as if any pastor ...apart from Wainaina...would be caught dead on a pink bike!) then dashed off to class....After class as I was heading towards the library I noticed the lady who was cleaning the floors looked like she might need my bike moved, but she said it was okay where it was so I continued on with my day. Later as I headed back to class noticed my bike had moved to the opposite (left) side of the portico...figured the cleaning lady changed her mind, so I just ignored the move....later when leaving the classroom block again noticed the bike had moved position...the lock seemed to work...what was going on??!!! Rechecked the locks, everything was fine...so headed back to work....on passing by again later on in the day begun to think more seriously about this move and begun to work myself into a frenzy, checking constantly in between classes to make sure it wasnt moved again. By the end of the day had gotten slightly miffed...and everyone standing around had no idea about anything, in fact they all looked quite nonchalant....like they were thinking "Hello! we have more important things to do then guard your bike!" So as the day rolled to a close, I talked to a few more people...who knew nothing...then left...wondering if I was loosing it. URGHHHH! Recently have been having trouble sleeping so now begun to worry '....am I really that tired? did i really park it where I thought I had? Maybe I didnt...hhhmmm...' So over tea the next day was chatting with Wainaina again, telling him how tired I was, that I was worried I just may be close to some sort of breakdown...then he begins to laugh..and laugh...turns out he had moved the bike, and had been planning on moving it some more, and then planned on watching me getting all steamed/confused....There he really had me...the mystery of the moving bike was finally solved...OK so its not much of a mystery, and the joke was definately on me...but had a good laugh anyway...Funny!

PS: Since I started riding, been sleeping like a baby :)